I Am Just Being Honest

Over the years, we have all observed or been criticized by someone personally. The individual  doing the attacking may see the wounded look on someone’s face or their angry response and say, “Sorry, I am just being honest.” Fair enough. Lately, I have noticed a number of millennials using the term but in a somewhat different context and I find it a bit disturbing.

Let me preface this by saying that I like millennials very much. Given economic issues plus the demographic and technology tidal waves underway, I think that they will have a tougher time making it than we American baby boomers did. I wish all of them the best.

What I find jarring is how many throw themselves under the bus with the “I am just being honest” rationalization. Here are two recent examples that happened amazingly within an hour of each other. I ran in to a student who I was to see later in the day. I asked if he was going to deliver a paper on a selected topic or take a quiz. He smiled, said he had not bothered to study, so he knocked out a brief paper in the wee hours of the morning. I froze, kept my composure and said, “Why are you telling me this?” An answer of I am submitting a paper would have been sufficient for me. He answered, “I am just being honest.” Later that day and the next, I read his paper four times. Why? I was trying to be fair. Clearly, I was annoyed and wanted to make sure that I did not give him a grade that was guided by my emotions.

Later that day, I was meeting with a group and explaining a concept using a hypothetical example. One person, sitting in the back of the room, was typing furiously on his/her laptop. I stopped my monologue and said, “You will not find the answer on line. I made this case study up as a hypothetical example. It never happened.” With a dismissive wave of the hand, the individual said, “I have not been listening to you. I am trying to order something online.”  Again, my answer was “why are you telling me this?” And, you guessed it, the response was, “I am just being honest.”

Candidly, I liked both people but now I wondered how they would behave in formal business settings. Both said way too much. They did not have to lie but either saying I wrote a paper or simply stop typing would have been fine. I would never say this to them but they were not simply being honest, they were being stupid. These two cases are not isolated. I hear it all the time.

Worst case, remaining silent in those situations is a mild sin of omission. Yet, a number of people have used that term to me in recent years in similar situations and I do not understand why. All they do is make themselves look unprofessional. Would I want someone so careless working for me or representing me? Would I give them a great job reference?

There is an old phrase that has been around for generations. It is “silence is golden.” Often, I found it to be a great negotiation tool. I would make an offer via phone and then get quiet. Some 15-20 seconds would pass. The person on the other end of the line would ask if I were still there. I would say yes and then get quiet again. Most of the time, they would sweeten the offer as they were negotiating with themselves and I was giving nothing away.

My young acquaintances need to learn this lesson. Do not lead with your chin or deliberately make yourself look bad when a person needs a simple answer. Play it close to the vest when you are busted but the other person does not know it.

If you would like to contact Don Cole directly, you may reach him at doncolemedia@gmail.com