Do You Want Me to Fail?

If you have been in business a while or simply lived a long time ( I have done both), you realize that most things be they new products, new companies, new restaurants, new ideas do not succeed. If you study the habits of entrepreneurs you find that successful ones make it on the 3rd or 4th try. They appear to be wired differently than most people and do not see failures as conclusive but merely a learning experience and they move on to the next adventure.

One thing that I have observed and experienced, and often hear a lot from MR readers is that it appears that most people do not want you to succeed.  It has always struck me as odd especially in certain circumstances. Over the years, I was involved in hundreds of new business presentations. People would always grill me afterwards and asked how I thought it went and whether or not the firm that I was associated with would get the business. I would always say how I thought the presentation went but, after I left my 20’s, I never said whether we would get the business or not. People would gloat if you were wrong and it was always hard to forecast. Once I was a lead player in a pitch and really nailed it. When I returned to the office, people asked me what I thought and, very uncharacteristically, said “we have it. I am sure.” The most eager person with the questions seemed deflated and said “Cole, you are awfully sure of yourself.” Forty eight hours later they called and assigned us the account. My colleague walked around morosely for a few days. I was confused. Why should he be jealous? He, too, was a partner in the firm and would benefit from the increased billing.

Months later, a third colleague really burned the midnight oils and, against stiff odds, landed a nice account. When I saw him, I thanked him and gave him a big hug. My colleague who was displeased with my win months earlier, chimed in, “Yeah, congratulations.” Later that day, he called me aside and asked “Why did you hug that bastard?” I responded that the firm would be better off with the new business and our associate had worked very hard to bring it in to the shop.

When I asked some panelists about this issue, I expected mild responses.  Nope. Here are some verbatim (expletives deleted plus some modest editing) comments:


—“The only one who was ever happy with any success I have had is my spouse. Even people that I made a lot of money for did not seem grateful. I was no threat to them especially when young but they seemed ill at ease when I succeeded.”

—“I am a serial entrepreneur. My losses are far more frequent than my gains. People still dredge up my failures at dinner or cocktail parties and out on the golf course. I am rich now and they are really jealous. None of them ever took a real chance. I try to avoid them but I live in a small city and they pop up at any large gathering. “

—“I can’t stand the armchair dreamers who sit around and tell me what I did wrong. They were not still at the office at 9pm and you never saw them on weekends. When I was young, a few would come to me after a loss and want to do a post mortem telling me what I did wrong. They were high on criticism but never got off their asses and tried to broaden their horizons. You never strike out if you never get in the game!”

—"I have been a salesman for 35 years. When I landed an account that others had tried to crack for years, New York (headquarters) was happy. My boss and fellow foot soldiers rarely had any sincere praise. They were jealous, I suppose. One boss told me that the only reason I was able to get billing was that he had softened them up for years. Maybe so, but it was a rotten thing to say after my first big win.”

We live in an age of envy. If you win when others lose or merely sit on the sidelines, there will be inevitable resentment. May I suggest that you wrap yourself up in entrepreneurial mode and go out and change the world?

If you would like to contact Don Cole directly, you may reach him at doncolemedia@gmail.com