Imposter Syndrome

Happy Birthday, United States.

Virtually all of us at some point in our careers suffer briefly or significantly from what psychologists often refer to as “Imposter Syndrome.”  We may fear that we are not good enough or do not belong in our job or be the person to give a major presentation to a big client or to an industry forum. This often triggers a great deal of anxiety—some people freeze and procrastinate while others bury themselves in work and then their lives get way out of balance. Over the years, many people came to me about it especially before a major event or on taking a new job. Here are some things that I suggested to them:

1) Stop beating yourself up—most of the time, when you present to a group, you are THE expert in the room (it can get tricky at industry gatherings) and, if you have prepared properly, you should be able to field questions and make a favorable impression. Also, make a list of questions that could be asked and prepare answers so, from the floor, you look on top of your game.

2) Look at real evidence—pull out your resume. Is it all true? Then you should have some confidence about what you are doing. Think of your past successes. Did bosses or clients ever pay your compliments in writing? Re-read them. You are not a fraud.

3) Share your fear with friends is what many tell you to do. I would be VERY careful about that. If you do, make sure it is someone NOT connected to your business or someday it may be used against you. If you want to keep a secret, tell no one has always been my mantra. Sometimes people will slip and tell your fears to others with no malicious intent but it can come back to haunt you. I was flattered when people told me of their fears and I tried to encourage them but it stopped with me permanently.

4) Discount outside sources—people would tell me that they were where they were due to 100% luck. Maybe, if Mom or Dad owned the business but usually you were in the job you have or given a major assignment due to your abilities. There is no question that being in the right place at the right time happens but you still have to prove yourself.

What about the famous advice of “fake it until you make it”?  I have very mixed feelings about that. If you are nervous or awkward socially, then stepping outside yourself and exuding some confidence can be quite beneficial both personally and professionally. Yet, at times, I have seem too many people confuse confidence with competence. Clearly actions can follow feelings but you still have to know your stuff. With some people there is a blurry line between confidence and lies.

About 20 years ago, a media salesperson asked me to attend a meeting with a foreigner who was going to launch a service in the United States. He had a wonderful British accent and made a fairly interesting case for getting Angel investors such as my friend and others present to get on board as financial backers. With him, was a wildly ebullient young fellow who said that he was an investment banker. He took a fair part in the Q&A session after the pitch deck was reviewed. Then, he said that after a brief launch in the states, shares would be available to the general public. I innocently asked if they had plans to issue ADR’s or perhaps an ADS? The young man got flustered and told me that I was not fair and that I was using some new financial term to embarrass him. “When did these ADR’s come in to the stock market”?, he asked. “Last week?” With a soft smile, I answered, “1927.” Getting red in the face, he asked how long  that I  been buying them. “Since 1973”, was my reply. Clearly, the young guy was trying to fake it until he made it. Not that day, and my friend and his associates saved their money. I followed up for a few years and the fledgling company never saw the light of day in the United States. Were they con-men? Hard to say for sure but the young “investment banker” did not pass the smell test.

Finally, the best advice for defeating Imposter Syndrome that I have seen was in Dr. Gay Hendricks book, THE BIG LEAP. The good doctor wrote, “ The things you most love to do reflect your unique abilities. When you are doing what you are really meant to be doing, you don’t have to generate self doubt.

If you would like to contact Don Cole directly, you may reach him at doncolemedia@gmail.com